I am a procrastinator at heart. And there is a side of me that is lazy, selfish, and gluttonous. If I let this side of me out, watch out world, let the negativity fly! Actually, there’d be nothing to watch out for because I’d be asleep, watching tv, stuffing my face, or doing some other non-productive life-wasting activity. And wow, is that an unhappy me.

I was on my way to being that person this morning. My 16-month old daughter, Aly, has her first ear infection. While it being her first is a good thing, this infection has lasted for a month and she is now on her 4th round of antibiotics. Her pediatrician has now referred us to an ear, nose, and throat doctor for further evaluation. Ugh. So obviously, I’m a bit worried. Not over the top, not crazy panic, not obsessively-reading-every-article-known-to-man-about-ear-infections. Just worried. So I’m just not feeling like myself today because of this, added to a million other things on my mind and on my to-do list. (I love lists. More on this at a later date.) And I was journaling about it because it was bugging me so much and I was feeling overwhelmed.

So as I was writing it occurred to me that I was choosing to feel this way.

I was wallowing in feeling bad and it was so easy to look down that path and see myself starting to feel “sleepy” and “hungry” and desiring to self-medicate my feelings. And right then and there I decided that I was done feeling like that and it was time to go kick some ass.

I proceeded to organize my chaos on paper in the form of a list, finish the laundry I had started this morning but just couldn’t manage to finish earlier, and get my daughter up from her nap to finish the rest of our day. And let me say, the rest of the day kicked ass.

It absolutely amazes me how much we determine the outcome of our lives. It’s all about our choices, in every friggin situation!

That’s why my blog is named evolving mom. That’s me.

Day by day, experience by experience, I am growing into the person God had in mind when he made me. It’s one of those things where you just have to share it because the blessings are too good to keep to myself. I guess I’d just like to share what I learn as these changes happen and maybe help another mom out there who might be struggling with the same issues.

I’ll probably touch on many in the days to come. But for now, back to my family.