I find it funny how easy it is to assume that once I reach my goal weight, everything will be “perfect”.  It’s truly laughable that there is a part of me that actually believes that!  But then again, is it really that surprising?  I mean look at the way society is set up. 

“Take this pill and feel like a million bucks!”  “Buy this magazine and you can look like her!”  ”Try THIS fad diet and you can be skinny too!” 

 Why is it that we are so desperate to find a way to make ourselves different and so willing to believe that outside things are what will make us happy?  My whole life I have tried to use things or people to find peace and contentment.  I had put my faith in those things only to find myself bitterly disappointed and frustrated over and over again.  I’ve heard it said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. 

What I find really interesting is that when I kept trying to fill my emptiness with outside stuff, I actually knew that I was doing it.  I guess I consider it a blessing but I have always had the innate ability to know what is going on with me.  Like, I seriously cannot be in denial about stuff because I just freakin’ know exactly what it is that I’m up to.  So then, I’m making these conscious decisions to do stuff that is bad for me.  Hmmm… I think that might be worse because I don’t get to live in a cushy little make-believe world that I have invented.  I have always had to deal with my reality head on. 

So knowing ALL this about myself and about my motives and innermost workings, how is it that I still have a part of me that believes weighing 130 pounds will make life perfect?  What I do know is that having thoughts like this means that I am uncomfortable with my current reality.  They mean that I am placing my faith and expectations on something other than God and myself.  It means that I need to address whatever it is that is bothering me head on or else those thoughts become all too easy to act on. 

Weighing 130 pounds will not make my life perfect.  Having a ton of money will not make my life perfect.  Having the perfect family, friends, cars, animals, clothes, church, hair, whatever…. WILL NOT MAKE MY LIFE PERFECT. 

Do you know what I realize now more than ever?  I’m already happy and I’m not perfect.  I could go on and never lose another pound and stay happy.  The happiness that I have found in my life has come from faith, trust, and closeness with God.  I could attribute credit to other things as well, such as the love of my husband and my sweet daughter and taking care of my health, but it’s the closeness to God that always comes first.  In the grand scheme of things, that is the only thing in the world that I can count on beyond a shadow of a doubt and I take great comfort in that.

I don’t know if I’ve said much to help anyone tonight but I felt it was important to throw all this out there.  This is what was in my heart today and what I had to say.  If you made it to the end of this post, you’re freakin’ AWESOME!!!