It seems as though life is a series of ‘firsts‘.  And as if best friends, my firsts have always been paired with fear and anxiety.  In the past, every new experience that awaited me was greeted with white knuckles and peeking out of fearful eyes.  In the case of motherhood, everything about raising a daughter has been a first. 

I have younger brothers and sisters but I did not grow up around them, and therefore, never saw what actually goes into raising a newborn or a toddler.  My husband, on the other hand, has a younger brother and many, many younger cousins that he was around to see born and brought up.  His mother and aunt also ran a daycare when he was younger.

All that being said, the first time I changed a diaper was at the hospital right after Aly was born.  And I was scared to death.  I actually had to be taught how to do it and I was so freaked out that I would do something wrong.  Here was this precious little newborn baby girl waiting for me, her MOM, to change her diaper! 

I eventually did and have changed many, many diapers since then.  But another first was changing her diaper alone while on the go.  We were shopping at Barnes & Noble (one of the very few early trips I made out of the house with her) and I smelled something funny.  I knew we had a nice dirty diaper that had to be changed.  So I took her to the bathroom where they have the changing station.  That was when I discovered that Aly hated having her diaper changed on those changing stations!  She cried and cried (which only made me more nervous) and after I finally got her calmed down, someone in another stall flushed the toilet and that scared her half to death!  And she was off again…

Now I can change her diaper on the go with ease.  Aly lays very still on the changing table and plays with a toy while I quickly take care of the business at hand.  We’re old pros at it now. 

I could go on to tell you 100 more stories just like those where as a mother, I have been faced with a new and very challenging situation.  Each day is full of them. 

Two things that I have learned from those situations is that they are never going to end and that I have always gotten through them.  That then begs the question, why spend so much time worrying over the unknown?  How much time, effort, and mental energy is wasted with frivolous worrying?  I’m learning that I don’t have to face each situation with anxiety, worry, and fear.  I can walk into new situations knowing that no matter what, I am a capable person and everything will be okay.  Even if I don’t know what I am doing, I can be assured that once I’ve done it enough times, I will get the hang of it.

I had a friend who used to say that she never wanted to do anything that she couldn’t be good at.  As you can imagine, she didn’t do much.  The first time for everything can be difficult but that’s to be expected!  Some people do things perfect the first time and I’m sure that’s you and me on some days, but there are always other days when everything we do is far from perfect!  Especially when they are those firsts.

I am learning that it is simply, okay.  

Coming up next month we will be taking our first trip to Disneyworld since Alyson was born.  She will be flying for the first time and that will be a huge first for all of us.  Do I plan on worrying about everything that could go wrong and spending the 3-4 weeks before the trip combing over every detail to make it perfect?  I could… but I think I’ll take the simpler route this time.  I’m going to learn from my past lessons and be prepared, but not be panicked. 

I am choosing to be worry free today.  It’s an interesting concept, isn’t it?