Am I in the middle of a HUGE lesson in patience?  That’s what this feels like.  I feel like for some reason, I am stuck at 156 pounds and come hell or high water, that number in it’s 10 variations (156.0, 156.1, 156.2, etc.) are plaguing me to no end. 

So yeah.  Today is my weigh-in day and rather than wait until Tuesday to weigh-in, curiosity got me and weighed I in yesterday.  To my major dismay, I went from 156.0 last week to 156.8 this week.  Wow.  W-O-W.  W-O-W!!!

Pardon the tone of this post, please.  I am feeling very frustrated and angry at this point.  I’ve been stuck at 156 for what is now the beginning of three months.  And that is despite my going from running 3 minutes straight to 36 minutes straight.  And despite that I have added working out my arms with 5 lb. weights and started yoga for abs.  And that is especially despite my absolute healthiest week of eating, ever, in my entire life… this past week. 

Normally I like to find the silver lining in things and find the positive in the situation.  And I know there is a reason for this, I just don’t know what.  And honestly, I’m tired of trying to “figure it out”.  I’ve tried all that I know to change this.  And you know what?  It’s humbling.  And I am out of answers.

Trust me, I know it’s not all about the number of the scale.  It’s about health and how I feel.  It’s about changing my life and making it better.  It’s about treating myself and my body with respect and fueling it with what it needs.  And it’s about taking responsibility for my past actions and fixing them now. 

When I think about it like that, I see how successful I actually am.  Everything has changed for the better and I am a much improved person because of it.  So once again I must come to the same conclusion that it’s not about the numbers.

Why is it so hard to make myself believe it? 

This post from Setting Her Free seems to speak to the same type of frustration and pain that I am feeling.  The cause of her frustration is from something different, but I think we still feel the same. 

I actually feel better now that I have typed this out.  There is something so therapeutic about honestly sharing about my experiences (good and bad) and just throwing it all out there.  Ya know?

Anyway, here it is.  This is where I’m at.  One thing I know for sure is that this too shall pass.  (And that I apparently don’t get to dictate when!)